Mat Leave Round 2 Thoughts

Today I’m going to talk about what maternity leave has been like for me. This is my second time through it FYI - I have a 2-year-old Calvin, and baby Brooks is now 8 weeks, so I’m out of the crazy throes of healing from a tiny being launching out of my body through a 10-centimeter hole and into the sleep-5-hour-stretches and went-to-my-first-$40-workout-class-today phase.

Here’s what’s been on my mind:

I am so much less nervous this time around

Ok, so the second time around, I’m definitely less nervous about everything. Yes, it’s been hard - yes, Calvin’s had more tantrums (but generally been super gentle and great with Brooks) - but I’m not googling “baby grunting all through the night” or “should baby poop after every feed” because I feel more confident about things and know what to expect. First time around I downloaded and paid for the BabyConnect app to track every single feed and duration (ok he fed from the right for 15 minutes and 23 seconds, and then the left for 11 minutes 48 seconds) as well as every single poop/pee as well as every single nap and yikes was that exhausting. Also eye opening for those who don’t realize how much time goes into breastfeeding – ~37 hours/week. This time I’m just using Evernote to write down some of these more basic things down (the last feed time so I don’t go more than the recommended 3 hours, when he woke up from his nap so I know when-ish to try to put him back down).

It is physically very hard with 2 kids

Physically, this whole pregnancy and labor thing is crazy. I was lucky in that my pregnancy was generally not too bad – a little bit of nausea, a little bit of postnasal drip, a little bit of acid reflux, a little bit of back pain (ok, a lot by the end) – but definitely super manageable. It got really hard by the end to pick up Calvin with my large stomach, and I honestly missed just being able to hold Calvin close, but we all know the little growing bebe was worth those weeks. Thankfully, Brooks arrived 11 days early to ease my back pain, and the second delivery was great (as soon as I got the epidural) and quick, so we were out of the hospital the next day. But then things were hard physically again for a while. You’re not supposed to lift anything heavier than the baby for ~2 weeks, which I managed to stick to for about 1 week before I finally caved and picked up Calvin who had requested “up peas” one too many times. Without getting into too much detail in case any scared males read this, there’s a lot of bleeding that continues postpartum, and um just a general concern as to if things are healing as they should be. So with all that in mind, I started easing my way back into walks with our dog Winston and cautiously picking up my 30 pound toddler. Six weeks in I was cleared for physical activity, and eight weeks in, I just attended my first workout class and wow was it humbling but also awesome. I also attempted a run a few days ago and my body is *not ready* so we’ll try that again in another couple of weeks. 

Newborns are cute but also not super exciting

Now let’s talk about the whole newborn thing. I’d like to lead this paragraph by stating that Brooks is precious. He has a ton of hair, just started smiling, and is getting kind of chunky (which I think every mom is proud of in these early days). What’s eye opening this time around is really just how fun / smart / entertaining a 2-year-old is compared to a newborn. Newborns just eat, stare at things, sleep, and cry. And cry. And cry. As they start staying awake longer, you’re supposed to show them black and white books to “stimulate them” or rattle something in front of their face. As you can imagine, while this is less physically demanding, it is also much more boring than playing Ring Around the Rosey or building mansions with magnatiles that your toddler will undoubtedly smash as soon as you’ve completed your masterpiece. So, while I am 100% enjoying Brooks’ little squishiness and newborn stretch and the excitement of his recent first smile, man oh man am I also so excited for what’s to come.

mat leave is not good for your wallet

Another thing that’s happened this time around is that I have spent an incredible amount of money. Because I’m not worriedly googling random stuff, I’ve refocused that time on TikTok (or reading a book when I’m TikTok’ed out) - but TikTok has figured out that I am in a period of high intent purchasing and they are fully exploiting that. In addition to purchasing things for Brooks or Calvin, I’ve also fancied myself a homemaker, with my recent purchase being 2 new pillow inserts because the old down ones I had couldn’t hold a “chop.” And before that, cutting boards because if you have a toddler you will be using that thing daily. And before that, a new console with storage because toys are strewn everywhere and it is stressful to look at. In addition to becoming a homemaker, I have also fallen into the trap of being influenced by hair girlies, and by fashion girlies, and by “DIY textured art” artists. This has meant I’ve purchased lots of hair oils and scalp massagers, random belts and teva sandals(?!), and dry compound and canvases to make my own at home art. I don’t want to do the math to figure out how much money I’ve spent since the start of mat leave, so don’t make me. (But also let me know if you’re interested in a commissioned DIY textured art piece because now is the time before I become super famous and they get too expensive for you.)

So yeah, that's where I’m at right now—some days I feel like I’ve got this thing down, and others, I’m just trying to make it to bedtime without losing it. The next few weeks are going to fly by, and while part of me is itching to get back to work and feel productive in a different way, I’m also just trying to enjoy these moments with Brooks before life speeds back up.

It’s messy, it’s exhausting, it’s amazing, and honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way. THE DAYS ARE LONG BUT THE YEARS ARE SHORT.